An inconvenient truth

Am I a bad sober person? and my 5 ways to have a happier existence this summer

Hey friends! I have to admit something to you, I feel like a bad sober person.

As a twenty-something living in London, I feel like there’s ample opportunity for me to showcase a booming sober existence with activities, social events, and testing out alcohol-free mocktails at London hotspots. I would splash this all over social media with in-depth recommendations and fun anecdotes all while wearing cute fits. In reality, I spend the vast majority of my time at home, I rarely buy alcohol-free spirits, and by 9pm you can often find me already in bed with protein ice cream. I feel like advocating for an alcohol-free lifestyle while remaining dormant in my flat is not doing justice for how fulfilling this choice can be. But it is also the reality of life. In the same way those who do drink aren’t always partying on a beach, sober people aren’t always living an inspirational life of tranquil meditation or courageous outdoor activities.

However, I am here to share any truths I have learnt or experienced, as well as improve myself to be better. Slow living suits me and there are simple joys that make sober life always worth it; energy to move my body in the gym, a crystal clear mind with no memory gaps from the night before, time set aside to learn new recipes. All which may seem small are significant mood boosters and offer a greater sense of satisfaction. Embracing a slow living life has gained popularity online as we’ve seen the rise of “TradWives”, or just women who just film themselves in the kitchen a lot. They spend their days baking bread, looking after the home, and caring for their husband and kids. Of course, they’re also filming, re-shooting, editing, and posting all of this content. BTW, this is no hate as I think it’s great content and a welcome relief from the negativity on social media. It stands true that a lot of us are moving away from ‘girl boss at day, party girl at night’, and seeking a lifestyle that’s filled with simple pleasures.

future me living my slow quiet farm life

So as a ‘bad sober twenty-something’ who’s doing her best, I’m sharing with you some lessons I’ve learnt (often the hard way) as well as what intentions I’m setting to be more positive, productive, and supportive as your alcohol-free friend.

Some hard truths

Here are some inconvenient truths I’ve learnt after quitting drinking alcohol more than 2 years ago. These are from my personal experiences and realisations I’ve had, so you may not agree with all of them!

• If you need to drink to be around them, you shouldn’t be around them.

• If they’re trying to make you drink, then you shouldn’t be around them.

• You may actually be intolerant (who knew?!). Buzzfeed reported research that our reactions to alcohol may actually be an allergy that’s developed over time.

• Friends who don’t support your decision to cut back or cut out alcohol are simply annoyed they no longer have someone to get drunk with, or may fear you’ll judge them for not quitting too (I’m really not)

• Getting drunk with your colleagues is not a good idea. It’s unprofessional and just gives you office embarrassment that could’ve been avoided.

• If your brand is wellness or prioritising health, regular consumption of alcohol seems very contradictory.

• If you’re struggling to lose weight, quit drinking alcohol. It’s empty calories and gives you minimal reward (or nutrition).

• Being alcohol-free doesn’t automatically equal healthy. Nor does it mean you are better than others. There is additional work that needs to be put in.

• You’re missing out on quality sleep when you’re drunk. 

• You’re missing out on quality time on weekends by getting drunk. When most of us only get 2 days off from work each week, this time is valuable and yet we waste it by rotting away in bed.

• If you’re on SSRIs, pretty please try and avoid drinking alcohol. You are way more likely to black out (further research by Priory) and mixing a depressant with any anti-anxiety/depression medication seems risky business IMO.

Setting out my 5 positive intentions 

I’ve been in a bit of a slump, flop-era, low mood, whatever you’d like to call it. Small tasks have felt giant and my creativity has felt stifled. As we’re hitting the midpoint of the year, and summer is slowly but surely rolling in, I’m eager to set out some resolutions for myself that will make this second half of the year a brighter one. 

• Be content with where I am. Recently I’ve felt such a pull to leave London. All I seem to say is I want to live somewhere sunny where I can work from my house, have dinners on the patio, and tend to my garden on my weekends. If I spoke to myself 2 or 3 years ago and said I’m living by the river with my partner and it’s just us two and we have our morning coffee while listening to the waves and watching the sailboats, I would have been so excited. I don’t want to lose sight of how good the ‘now’ is because I’m always thinking about the ‘next’.

• Tend to others. I have felt rather selfish this year, giving myself the sole spotlight on the weekend to cook or bake or go to the gym or sleep. My phone became a place for scrolling, not for connections. This has had its perks mentally, but it’s also made me distant. It’s time to have park walks with iced coffees and gossip, family style dinner parties, and spontaneous Saturdays where the plan evolves with each hour that passes. 

• Move my body everyday. A more manageable ask for myself, as I tend to do some form of exercise every day with either gym or walks, but, as I said in my last post, consistency is everything. Maintaining movement is essential for my mind and without challenge or progress, I can feel stagnant.

• Less comparison, greater focus. I truly am a sucker for comparison, not so much green-eyed envy but more a fixation on “how can I get this body/ this skin/ this hair/ this outfit”. Recently it’s worn me down to the point of feeling a failure. It then comes as a surprise when I’m complimented as I sometimes feel so insignificant. 

• Relish a simple summer. Normally every August, my partner and I visit Paris, the city where he grew up, to see his family and friends and, well, to be in Paris. But the Olympics have selfishly ruined that this year as prices skyrocketed so we’re opting for a summer spent in London. I have my annual week away with my mum later this month, but it looks like July and August will be spent here. So I am creating a simple summer bucket list to take pleasure in my surroundings and find activities that will make summer special. This will vary from hitting a certain outdoor restaurant, to reading a particular book, to baking something fruity.

The vibe for this summer

What‘s been playing 🎶

Chappell Roan: Not a day this week has gone by without her playing. In the gym, while I cook, and while I work. She’s been inescapable in the best possible way.

Pink Skies by Zach Bryan: I’m saying a little prayer that he comes to perform in London as I will be seated immediately.

What I’ve been wearing 🛍️

To the gym: Alphalete leggings, Uniqlo tee, Nike cap with favourite new balances.

To the office: Ralph Lauren tee, Urban Outfitters trousers, Nike Jordans.

To get coffee: Zara blazer, Levi’s tee, Ralph Lauren capri pants, Adidas sambas.

i am so well dressed in my head

• SPORTY & RICH X ADIDAS ORIGINALS Handball Spezial - Chocolate

• Aritzia BUTTER Upbeat Romper

• DOEN SANDIA DRESS

• Loewe Relaxed fit T-shirt in cotton (yes because of Challengers)

What products I’m loving 🧖🏼‍♀️

• This lemon tablecloth: I was really unsure as it does not go with my flat decor at all but Substack friends helped me realise its beauty and I love it so much

• L’Occitane shea butter hand cream: My hands get so dry from sanitiser in the gym so this really helps nourish them!

What’s been cooking 👩🏼‍🍳

• Tomato galette (a Wishbone Kitchen recipe but I had to sub the pesto for a sundried tomato paste)

• Spicy seafood linguine - I cannot put into words how delicious and easy this was 

• Grapefruit and prawn salad - literally the freshest summery salad (recipe below)

• Roasted pineapple with a cinnamon and brown sugar glaze, with butterscotch ice cream and desiccated coconut (courtesy of my partner Jerome)

• Tunacakes with roasted corn & pepper salsa, served with remoulade and pickled onions (Rob Li’s recipe here - but Jerome dislikes crab so used tuna)

• Slow roasted cod with citrus salsa verde, caprese salad, and asparagus sautéed in butter and truffle oil (followed another Wishbone Kitchen recipe for inspo)

Recipe for summer grapefruit & prawn salad

Your dressing ingredients:

• 4 tbsp olive oil

• 2 tsp ginger

• 1 tsp brown sugar

• 1 tsp hot honey

• 2 tsp salt

• Zest and juice of 1 lime

• Half tsp red pepper flakes

• Salt and pepper to taste

Your salad ingredients:

• 3 cloves of garlic

• 1 tbsp butter

• 2 packs of king prawns (roughly 300g)

• 2 heads of romaine lettuce (finely chopped)

• ½ a cucumber

• 5 radishes (or more, it’s your choice)

• 1 grapefruit (suprême) 

• 2 avocados 

• 2 tbsp of pickled onions

• Black sesame seeds

Method:

• Prepare your dressing and set aside

• Gently heat olive oil and garlic in a frying pan for 2-3 minutes

• Add prawns with a pinch of salt and butter. Once cooked, move off the burner and allow to cool

• Thinly slice cucumber and radishes using knife or mandolin 

• Rinse, pat dry and chop romaine lettuce

• Peel and segment grapefruit then chop each segment into 2-3 pieces

• Peel and chop avocado into bite size pieces

• Combine all your prepared veggies to a large salad bowl or serving dish before topping with pickled onions, grapefruit, prawns and black sesame seeds

• Add your dressing and serve!

• (optional: add the garlic butter you cooked your prawns in to your zesty salad dressing)

I start my new job tomorrow so of course, I have a crazy mix of nerves and excitement. I wanted to be very intentional how I spent this weekend; a blend of being productive and also completely still. I moved my body in the gym and reorganised my wardrobe, finally putting away all winter coats and big woollen jumpers and bringing out the summery dresses. But I also watched Hope Floats, The Last Song, and Sweet Home Alabama while being motionless on my sofa.

Just remember, it’s okay if you’re the only one not drinking. 

See you next Sunday! 🩷

Sophie 

👩‍💻 What to read next:

• how to be a sober girl in her twenties

• Never have a bad first date again

• Are we having fun yet?